Day 1 of the creating beauty challenge: a bowl that I have always loved on a table that I have always loved. Learning about contrast.

Today, my Co-Star app said, “Live out your own most secret wishes.” And you know what? Challenge accepted.

This morning during my luxury hour it struck me how much I love contributing to creating beauty. It’s not about the final product. It’s not about being surrounded by beautiful things. It’s about creating the beauty. Don’t get me wrong, the goal is eventually to make money off of creating beauty.

But to be honest, I’ve been running from creating beauty my entire life.

I didn’t even recognize my desperate escape attempt until a manager made a comment about my attitude at work because of being a “perfectionist”. I was shocked and adamantly denied even the concept of being a perfectionist.

Me? The girl who couldn’t finish a homework assignment, violin practice session or single project to save my life?

Oh wait..

It wasn’t until diving deeply and unabashedly into counseling that my idea generating, social butterflying, lack of continuity habits presented themselves with the thought, “Maybe I have based my entire life on a fear of failure?”

Growing up is tough for everyone, and each of our families present different expectations, restrictions and developmental needs to us, that can even vary from child to child. It’s safe to say my adolescent years were based on the belief that I just couldn’t do (insert here) well. So why even try?

But 30, and by default 2020, has thrown us all for a loop.

So I’m ready. To try my hand at creating beauty. In all of it’s frustrating, glorious and confusing ways.

In Beauty,

asc

Originally published at https://www.asimplechaos.com on August 2, 2020.

A Simple Chaos is an open forum to write to my heart’s content. The words are produced from my own life experiences and all opinions are my own.

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